Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Banned Books Week

In honor of banned books week, I'd like to take a moment to talk about some books I'd like to see banned. Starting with Twilight. Do kids really need to know how to glare and be glared at? Also, I take offense to the name of the town. Forks. What about people who can only use spoons? Did Meyers ever stop to think about them?

Moving onto The Hunger Games. Dear Suzanne Collins, I didn't actually read this book but hunger isn't a game. Hunger is real. Loads of people face it every day. Like hippos. Poor, hungry, hungry hippos. I don't think kids should be exposed to any book that mocks those gentle creatures.

Harry Potter also makes my list of books I'd like to see banned. Not because they're about witches and wizards and not because their headmaster is a homosexual, but because of the blatant mistreatment of owls. Owls are not and should never be treated as someone's personal courier. For shame, JK.

I'd like to also add John Green's Looking for Alaska. It's above Canada. Anyone who can't find it shouldn't be writing books for children. Please go back to grade school, Mr. Green.

Finally I'd like to see Spanking Shakespeare by Jake Wizner banned on the grounds that all forms of corporal punishment are wrong and should not be tolerated. Especially against The Bard.

As you can see, we have a battle ahead of us, but one I believe we can win, and I won't stop until, these books--no, strike that--until ALL books are banned. Including my own.

Thank you.


Keep it clean, keep it classy, and jokes are always appreciated.