Sunday, May 15, 2011

A Series of Dreams

I adopted Maxx from a shelter that had saved Maxx from being euthanized.  Two families prior to me had adopted and returned him.  He was blind from birth and only a year old.  There were times after I brought him home that I thought about returning him, but I couldn't.  He was so badly matted that he'd had to be shaved down to the skin.

For two years, Maxx drove me nuts.  He was loud, annoying, needy, and I loved the shit out of him.  He made my life difficult in so many little ways, and yet none of that mattered when I walked through the door and he'd lazily wander up to meet me, his face half-matted because he'd been sleeping.  I'd pick him up and he'd hug into my shoulder.   He barked during all the good parts of my TV shows, he constantly hid his toys under the couch so that I had to fetch them, and he hated walking on wet grass.

I used to daydream of the day when I wouldn't have to worry about finding a sitter for him when I went on vacation, or when I could make it through an entire movie without him needing to be walked.  Now that he's gone, I hate coming home alone.  I have someone wonderful to come home to, but there's something special about a dog.  Even a dog as annoying as Maxx.  He's irreplaceable.  I never thought I'd miss him so fucking much.  That dog was one of a kind.


  1. Shaun, I am so sorry to hear about Maxx. It is such hard thing to have to go through. *hugs*

    We had to put down our cat, Oz, in February. I stopped crying on a daily basis after the first month, but I'm still nowhere near over it. It's been one existential crisis after another around here, really. I never would have expected it to be so hard to lose a destructive cat who'd been sick for most of his life, but oh man. I miss him like crazy.

  2. Shaun,

    Sorry to hear about Maxx. I know how tough it is.

  3. Sounds like you really loved Maxx. I can totally relate, because our little rescue Yorkie, Toto, is driving me insane with his early morning wake-up calls. But I know I'd miss him like crazy if he was gone.

  4. From all you've said I can tell he really was one a kind indeed. What a great dog... I'm not a religious man, but I do have a place in my personal theology for doggie heaven, and Maxx is surely there, my friend. And you have certainly earned yourself some coin of the spirit for being so great to him. So sorry to hear about your loss.

  5. I'm sorry, Shaun, and glad that Maxx got you on his third adoption try.

  6. Mindi: Thank you so much. Right? Maxx was SO annoying. My partner would often lament the fact that Maxx always managed to bark right at the part of a movie where it was most important to listen. But when I wake up or go to bed or come home, I realize how freaking much I miss him. I'm so sorry about Oz.

    Michael: Thanks :)

    Helen: Good for Toto! Seriously though, the things I miss most are the things that drove me the most insane.

    Josh: Thank you. Maxx never got to meet your dog with its missing eye, but I know he would have loved to.

    Shan: It's crazy to think people found him so hard to love. Even when I was most angry at him, he was so cute, I couldn't stay angry for long.

  7. I'm so sorry, Shaun. I know how hard it is to lose a pet you love. It's never easy. Know this though - eventually you will be left with only the fun memories you shared with Maxx and not the emptiness that comes with loss. It takes a while to get there, but you will. Until you do however, feel free to use us (your friends) as shoulders to lean on whenever you need it.


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