Banned Books Week

In honor of banned books week, I'd like to take a moment to talk about some books I'd like to see banned. Starting with Twilight. Do kids really need to know how to glare and be glared at? Also, I take offense to the name of the town. Forks. What about people who can only use spoons? Did Meyers ever stop to think about them?

Moving onto The Hunger Games. Dear Suzanne Collins, I didn't actually read this book but hunger isn't a game. Hunger is real. Loads of people face it every day. Like hippos. Poor, hungry, hungry hippos. I don't think kids should be exposed to any book that mocks those gentle creatures.

Harry Potter also makes my list of books I'd like to see banned. Not because they're about witches and wizards and not because their headmaster is a homosexual, but because of the blatant mistreatment of owls. Owls are not and should never be treated as someone's personal courier. For shame, JK.

I'd like to also add John Green's Looking for Alaska. It's above Canada. Anyone who can't find it shouldn't be writing books for children. Please go back to grade school, Mr. Green.

Finally I'd like to see Spanking Shakespeare by Jake Wizner banned on the grounds that all forms of corporal punishment are wrong and should not be tolerated. Especially against The Bard.

As you can see, we have a battle ahead of us, but one I believe we can win, and I won't stop until, these books--no, strike that--until ALL books are banned. Including my own.

Thank you.

Still Breathing

Still alive. Barely. I'm into the revisions and they're kicking my butt, but I'm still at it. I'm finding a lot of new nuances to my book that I never noticed before, so yay for my awesome editors and agent!

I just participated in a really great LJ chat over at The Tenners. If there are any questions you have for a Tenner, head on over!

Soon the revisions will be over and I'll be back to regular posting. Just a few more weeks. Until then:

Twilight...with Cheeseburgers.

Gateway Drugs

I've been pretty harsh on Stephanie Meyers and the Twilight series.  Not because of her writing ability or because of the glittery vampires (okay, yeah, a little because of that), but mostly because of the message she was sending.  I don't want to beat that dead horse anymore.  Lots of people have beaten it way better than I ever could.  What I want to say is that in spite of my misgivings over Twilight, I owe Meyers a debt of gratitude.

It's my secret shame that half my family thinks books should either be used to even out wobbly tables or as camouflage for skeevy porn.  When my nephew was born, I started building him a book collection in the hopes that when he was old enough he'd have a worthy library and I could plant the seed of book lovin'.  I assumed my niece (step-niece but I only make the distinction to explain the age difference) was a lost cause.  She showed little interest in books even though every time I gave my nephew books, I gave her books too.  Until Twilight.  

Through my family grapevine I heard that she'd become addicted to Twilight.  I threw up in my mouth a little, but having been part of the Harry Potter craze, understood you can't fight a tween phenom.  If peer pressure is being used to push books, then bring on the social conformity  

Wednesday night we had a family get together to celebrate my sale.  Imagine my surprise when she came up to me to tell me that after she'd finished Twilight she read the other books I gave her.  She read His Dark Materials, and The Hunger Games and Thirteen Reasons Why and books I don't even remember giving her.  And even better?  She totally asked for more.  I'm going to introduce her to Neil Gaiman by way of Coraline and The Graveyard Book, and to E. Lockhart.  It's pretty exciting all around.  I could see in her the hunger to read anything and everything, and she was looking to me for direction.  I'm pretty well read and don't discriminate between "girl" books and "boy" books, but the books I read tend to be more testosterone laden.  I'm willing to take any suggestions for a thirteen-year-old girl.  I kind of feel like I have a responsibility here, and an opportunity.  I want to make sure I get the right books into her hands and turn her into a lifelong reader.

So to Stephanie Meyers and all her glittery creatures of the night I say:  Thanks.  You can stop writing now.

The end of one path, the beginning of another

FYI, the first thing I realized is that my blog is OMG-BORING.  I've hired someone less boring to post as me from now on.  Bring in the dancing puppies!

So this is the entry.  This is the one where I look back on the start of this blog that no one reads and go, "Wowiee, wow!  I'm a real writer now.  Paid and everything."  And that's true.  I started this blog to track my path from first written word to sold manuscript, and we're there.  Yesterday it was official.  And I'll continue this blog as I begin a new journey as an actual author.  Will I be able to turn this into a career that supports me?  Will my book bomb?  Will they actually name it THE GREAT COOKIE?  (The day after I found out it had sold I had a nightmare that they demanded my book be named THE GREAT COOKIE).  Those are the questions I'll be answering over the next year as I move from published author to "holy sh!t that's MY book on the shelf with the neon-puke cover."

Until then though, I'm going to answer the one burning question on everyone's mind:  what's my secret?  What made THE DEATHDAY LETTER what it is?  

The answer is:  masturbation euphemisms.  And penis euphemisms, and sex euphemisms.  

My next book is just a listing of samurai and ninja themed porn movie titles.  And some other stuff that happens.

Stay tuned for my next entry:  The entire plot of the Twilight series in haiku.